


Riding Shotgun on a Roller Coaster of Death

by CaptainLeBubbles



Series: Maybe You're Here Because You Don't Fit In Anywhere Else (Rollercoaster HSAU) [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Middle School, Gen, background lopez/sheila, brief cameos from sheila and ct
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 13:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3570980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLeBubbles/pseuds/CaptainLeBubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dexter Grif is twelve, his mother is dead, and a man they've never met has just come all the way to Hawaii just to bring him and his sister to live on some shitty farm in Iowa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Riding Shotgun on a Roller Coaster of Death

**Author's Note:**

> Remember in [that other fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3565469) when I said Grif lived with Sarge because reasons?
> 
> I cannot even begin to explain where this concept came from, except that a lot of vague, half-formed ideas and bits of narrative seemed to come together to form it. It was originally supposed to be a prequel chapter to the main body of the high school au, but it grew out of control so now it's Part I.
> 
> The title is a mangled line from Terrify! and has nothing to do with the story. I'm just bad at titles.

o/o

*

When Dexter Grif is eleven, his mom dies.

He doesn't have a dad- at least, not one that he's ever known. Kai has a dad, but he's a deadbeat, Mom never even put his name on the papers. As far as Grif knows, he doesn't even know Kai exists. When Mom dies, and the people from the state ask questions, he decides to keep it that way.

He and Kai (she's six) are put into the system and spend a year in a shitty foster home when Sarge appears.

Grif has no idea where Sarge comes from. Okay, not entirely true, he comes from a shitty farm in Iowa, but he seems to appear out of nowhere and he takes Grif and Kai home with him to live on that shitty farm in Iowa, for no discernible reason.

It's not like he's desperate to be a parent. Single, mid-forties, chemistry teacher, perfectly happy living on his own. So he's not some dude desperate to have a shot at fatherhood. Hell, he doesn't even seem to like Grif that much, complains constantly about taking him on and berates and chastises him constantly, insults flying from him with every breath he draws.

Grif learns very quickly that the abuse Sarge hurls at him every other sentence is to be ignored. It's not some warped way of showing affection, and it's not like it's just how he is- the vitriol is real, and aimed deliberately at Grif. But it's just words- no matter how many of them he says, he never goes any farther than his words. Even his threats to send Grif back to their shitty foster home in Hawaii are ignored- it doesn't take Grif long to realize that not only would he never do that, he doesn't even want to.

That rules out the second option, though, that he's one of those rich white people who adopt exotic native kids because there aren't any shitty foster homes for them to get kids from local. He's not rich at all, in fact- scrapes out an acceptable living on his teaching income and military pension, certainly not enough to think 'clearly I have enough to support a couple of kids who need a home' even if he did seem the sort to do that.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the sheer _distance_ , for the fact that the man had traveled to Hawaii to get them (okay, not exactly a difficult place to visit, but it wasn't like he went on vacation and found some orphans and bonded with them and decided to take them home with him, he specifically went to Hawaii with the express purpose of taking on Grif and Kai), Grif would assume he was just another dude out to cheat the state out of a couple of monthly checks, or trying to get a free farmhand.

And yeah, he makes Grif and Kai work on the farm. It's a small farm, a sustenance farm, really, but there's still work to be done, still chores that he gives them. But the way he gives them, it's not like they're there for the work, it's more like the work is there and needs to be done. So they're not glorified and unpaid farmhands, either. (Not to mention there's still the distance to consider. Why go  _that far_ for a couple of kids?)

Grif can't figure out Sarge's angle, and it bothers him.

Except that Sarge dotes heavily on Kai and treats her like a princess, and Grif can live with a lot if it means that Kai is happy. So he'll deal with Sarge's weird motives if and when he ever learns what they are.

*

Sarge does not actually live alone. He has a farmhand, a fifteen-year-old Mexican boy named only Lopez, who understands English just fine but can't speak a word of it. He sleeps in the refurbished storage building, spends his spare time working on an ancient jeep, and his voice is a permanent monotone- there's no emotion to gauge even the intent behind anything he says.

Grif stays away from Lopez while he works, lest he be drawn into working as well.

Kai watches him work and gives him half her popsicle when he's done.

*

Sarge doesn't really go anywhere much. He rarely leaves the farm, except for his weekly grocery runs. He never takes them with him for those- says he'll get through a lot easier without them there distracting him. He doesn't take Grif and Kai to the movies, or out to eat, or to the park, or anywhere else. They just hang around the farm all day. Grif wonders if anyone in town even knows that Sarge has two kids now.

*

Grif meets Simmons after he's been at the farm for three weeks. Simmons is their neighbor, for a given value of the word. His family owns the massive farm that borders Sarge's shitty one, the one with a field so big that you could put their one spot of land in it and rattle it around. That's the sort of place Grif was expecting, when he was told he was being adopted by a man on a farm in Iowa.

Grif meets Simmons when he's out napping near the fence. The grass here is warm and high enough that once Grif lies down and stops moving (Grif is a master of lying down and not moving) you can't even see him. He likes that spot because no one bothers him; Sarge doesn't hurl insults at him and Lopez doesn't stare at him expecting him to work, and he can pretend that he doesn't live on a shitty farm in Iowa.

Grif meets Simmons when Simmons trips over him.

“Ow! Watch where you're going, jackass!”

“Ow, what the fuck? Who the fuck are you?”

“I'm Grif.”

Grif sits up, rubbing his head, and studies the boy in front of him. They're about the same age, he reckons. The boy is taller than him, and a lot thinner; he's all skin and bones- and freckles. Grif's never seen someone with so many freckles, dark brown speckles against sun-gold skin. For one moment in time, Grif understands the meaning of the phrase 'love at first sight'.

The moment passes when the boy glares at him.

“What are you doing out here? This is my family's land. You're _trespassing_.”

“No way, dude.” Grif mimics the boy's folded-arm pose and glares up at him. “This is Sarge's land, and I live here. Ergo, _you're_ trespassing.”

“Sarge? What? This isn't Sarge's land! It's ours!”

“Well I don't see your name on it.”

“It's on the title! Well, my dad's name. Which is also my name!” He points irritably at a post with day-glo pink ribbon on it. “See? The property line is over there, now get over onto it!”

Grif turns to look. He had assumed the property line was the fence, but he wasn't going to tell this kid that- besides, it wasn't like it mattered. The post was only like five feet away.

“Well so what? I was napping, it doesn't matter. Why don't you go away so I can get back to my nap?”

“Not until you get off our land. Come on, it's like five feet away!”

“And that is five feet too many to walk during naptime.”

They carry on like this for some time, eventually sitting down against the fence to keep bickering. Grif finds out that the boy is named Dick Simmons, that he wants to be a computer programmer one day, and that he never relaxes, ever. Grif tells Simmons about Hawaii, and about Kai, and about Sarge adopting them without warning.

By the time they part ways, several hours later, Grif has decided two things: Simmons is a fucking nerd, and Grif hates him.

*

He goes back to see him the next day, carrying a pack of Oreos he persuaded Lopez to pick up for him in town, and only has to wait around for about ten minutes before Simmons turns up. Simmons looks annoyed to see him, and Grif doesn't share his Oreos, and they sit beside the fence post and argue for three hours straight before Lopez appears and drags Grif off to help him do something farmy that Grif doesn't want to do but that Lopez needs an extra set of hands for.

*

The addition of Simmons to his life makes living on the shitty farm a little more bearable. Grif is able to pass the days arguing with Simmons, in between helping Sarge and Lopez around the farm, or, more often, avoiding helping Sarge and Lopez around the farm. Grif was right in his initial assessment: Simmons is a fucking nerd. He watches lame-ass nerd shows like Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica and he can talk for hours about computers and his dream for the coming school year is to join the mathletes.

Grif laughs for a solid twenty minutes over that when Simmons tells him, while Simmons sits there with his arms folded, glaring at him.

“Shut up, fatass,” he says finally. “You're just mad because I can multiply large numbers in my head really quickly.”

“Why would I be jealous of that? What's ninety-four times seventy-two?”

“Nine-thousand four hundred fifteen. Because it's a cool ability to have?”

“Okay, new rule. You're not allowed to use the word cool, ever.”

“Math is cool! So is being a mathlete! It's got athlete right in the word, and athletes are cool!”

“What did I _just_ _say_ about you using the word cool?”

*

Late in the summer, Sarge takes Kai and Grif to town for the first time since they came to live with him, to enroll them in school. Blood Gulch was a pretty shitty town when they first drove through it on their way home all those months ago, and it's still just as shitty as before. The locals are all along the same lines as Sarge, trigger-happy redneck farmers. And they stare- openly and blatantly, though Grif suspects it's less the pair of Hawaiian kids in Sarge's jeep as it is _Sarge's jeep_ having two Hawaiian kids in it.

They stop for gas, and while Sarge fills up, one of the locals actually approaches them. He's a bit smaller than Sarge, with long hair pulled into a single braid that wraps around his head, skin so dark that he reminds Grif of the black sand beaches back home, and a body that looks like the Greeks carved it out of marble. When he speaks, his voice is warm and welcoming and sweet. He gives Sarge a cursory greeting, and leans on the jeep to speak to Grif and Kai.

“Hello, children,” he says. “My name is Captain Butch Flowers. What's yours?”

“Uh.. Grif. And this is Kai.”

Captain Butch Flowers beams at them, a brilliant smile that uses his whole face to convey how delighted he is to meet them. Grif is a little alarmed. “I see. You must be the two charming children that Sarge adopted this summer. I hope you're adapting well to the climate of our little town.”

“Um. I guess?”

Sarge returns from paying for his gas, and shoots Butch Flowers a look similar to the ones he gives Grif regularly. “Hey! Cappy! What are you doing? You're not trying to convert my kids to Blue-ism, are ya? I won't stand for it! No dirty Blues under my roof!”

Grif has by now heard a hundred rants from Sarge about why Blues and Blue-ism sucks, despite having no context for it, but this is the first time he has ever heard Sarge refer to him and Kai as 'his' kids. He sits back in the jeep, stunned, while Butch Flowers turns and treats Sarge to that dazzling smile.

“Oh, Sarge, you rascal. Why haven't you brought these two over to meet me yet?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Well, because it's nice to get out of the house, it would give them a chance to meet new people, and I'm sure they'd enjoy themselves.” He turns back to Grif. “I suppose you're here to enroll in the school? I'll be your one of your teachers, for Literature.” (Behind him, Sarge mutters about Chemistry being way more important.) “I'm looking forward to teaching you- and you too, Kai, when you get to me.”

He gives them another smile, and leaves, either oblivious or ignoring the glare Sarge is directing at him. Grif isn't sure what to make of it- it's the same glare Sarge directs at him, usually.

*

Sarge takes them out to lunch after enrolling them in the school, the first time they've actually eaten in a restaurant since the night before they boarded the plane in Hawaii. They get more stares, and Grif would be embarrassed except he's really just annoyed. He can't figure out whether it's them, or Sarge, or both, but he really hates being the center of attention like this, unless it's attention by adoring fans. He thinks he could handle that.

*

“I fucking hate this town,” he says to Simmons, two days later, when they're sat against the fence talking like every other day. Grif is eating peanut butter straight out of the jar, which Simmons has already told him is _unsanitary and would you please just use a spoon, it's not that hard, dipshit, even for someone as stupid as you_ , and Grif feels like whining. He explains about everyone in town staring at them, but Simmons just shrugs.

“It's not really surprising, though. Blood Gulch is a small town and everyone knows everyone else. You're new, and different, and you were with Sarge. Of course they're gonna stare.”

“What, are manners not a thing in Iowa?”

“Of course they are! They're just- look, just give them time to get used to the idea, and they'll stop caring.” Simmons hugs his knees to his chest, because sometimes people stare at him and he doesn't like it any more than Grif does, he just hates to agree with anything Grif says, and Grif leans over and pushes him over, and they start arguing again.

Grif thinks he could probably live the rest of his life like this, sat in the sun with Simmons, arguing and eating peanut butter out of the jar.

*

On his first day at Blood Gulch Middle School, Grif meets Church and Tucker.

Church is a cranky, volatile rich kid whose expressions are all variations of the same scowl, and every other sentence is either a sarcastic comment, a flat out insult, or just yelling at someone to shut up. Tucker is friendlier, more laid back, but his ego is massive and he spends most of his time making lewd comments and sex jokes, which, okay, some of them are actually funny.

He meets them when they sit at the same table as Grif and Simmons in Literature- Grif and Simmons are in the middle of an argument about whether monkeys have hands or feet (“They have thumbs, Simmons, they're clearly hands.” “They _walk_ on them, dumbass, they're clearly feet.”) and five minutes after they sit down Tucker wants to know when's the wedding.

Grif has known Simmons for nearly two months now, and for the first time, they're actually on the same side of an argument.

*

That evening, Grif finds out what Blues are, and Reds as well. Sarge and Flowers- Cappy, he says to call him- co-run an after school sports group. Grif is there because of Sarge; Simmons because his father wants him to be sportier, and he spends a lot of time grumbling because it clashes with Mathletes, which means he won't be able to join.

The first thing Sarge and Cappy do is split the dozen or so kids into two groups, creatively dubbed 'Red Team' and 'Blue Team'. Sarge gets Grif and Simmons, and Tucker and Church- also in the group- go to Cappy. It's the dumbest thing ever, and Grif doesn't even want to be there and he doesn't _care_ but as the teams group up, time seems to hold its breath and Grif feels like something very, very important has just happened.

If he was more sentimental, he'd remember the moment, file away the way the sun is way too hot, the way the grass is slightly damp from the light rain that had fallen earlier, the way Simmons looks even more depressed to be there than he is, the manic way Sarge's eyes light up with delight as he explains the rules to their weird blend of Dodgeball and Capture the Flag- with frequent interruption from Cappy about _no, they're not allowed to aim for the head and no, Sarge, the dodgeballs will not be on fire, stop telling them that_ \- and the way he's already started sweating and they've only been outside for about ten minutes.

But Grif isn't sentimental, so he just sighs and trudges off to their side with Simmons to play the most convoluted game Grif has ever heard of.

*

Grif finds out that Tucker is a foster kid, too. His dad's in jail; his mother walked out on him ages ago. He lives with Cappy, who encourages him, checks that he's adjusting well, and has promised to adopt Tucker as soon as the custody issues are sorted out with his dad. He's the best foster parent Grif has ever met- and he's met four sets- and Grif watches them together and watches Sarge and doesn't get jealous, because being jealous is too much effort, but he does feel a twist in his belly and wonders how Tucker got so lucky.

*

Simmons spends a lot of time kissing up to Sarge. It makes sense; Sarge is a lot nicer to Simmons than he is to Grif, and Simmons is a natural kissass.

Whenever Simmons starts kissing up, Grif frowns. He doesn't like it, not one bit. Not because he craves that kind of attention from Sarge (Simmons accuses him of it; he laughs for ten minutes straight) or because it usually involves Simmons disagreeing with him (honestly, the entire basis of their relationship is Simmons disagreeing with him, or vice versa). No, it's something else, something that makes his stomach tie itself in knots and insult Simmons until he gets distracted by arguing with Grif again.

At night, when Grif lies in his shitty bed staring at the water stains on the ceiling, just on the tipping point of the sleep that's closing in on him, he thinks he can almost grasp what it is, but then sleep claims him and he loses his grip on the Thing and it goes forgotten.

*

Grif celebrates his thirteenth birthday on a shitty farm in Iowa.

It's actually not that bad. Sarge complains the entire time about how Grif isn't worth it, but he puts in some actual effort anyway. He gets a huge cake (comments that Grif will probably eat most of it himself, and Grif agrees because _holy fuck that is the most beautiful cake ever, of all time_ ) and sets up a party tent in the back yard, with streamers and balloons, all in shades of red and orange. Simmons comes over early to help set up and Grif ends up making him do most of the work because _come on, nerd, it's my birthday, everyone knows you're not supposed to work on your birthday._

It's a small affair, really. Simmons and Church and Tucker are there, and Cappy, and Lopez and his girlfriend Sheila. (Sheila is a tall girl with a sweet face and a gentle, motherly voice, who looks like she could bench press a car. She has a scorpion tattooed on the back of her neck over the word 'Necessity' in block capitals, and Grif is terrified of her.)

He gets some surprisingly decent gifts- Church's is his favorite, because Church has the perfect combination of 'rich dad' and 'not giving a fuck' and had just had his dad buy a bulk order of Oreos for him rather than bother with gift shopping. Grif has never cried in front of anyone before- not since mom died- but he nearly breaks down at the sight of that many Oreos in one place, all of them his and no one to tell him he has to share.

*

Sarge and Cappy were in the service together. Cappy shows him a picture of them in uniform, taken about twenty years ago. He says Sarge was different back then, that he didn't adjust well to being a civilian again.

Grif gets the feeling Cappy is in Iowa because of Sarge. It's a weird thing to think about.

*

October brings cold to Iowa, which is not something Grif has extensive experience with, having lived in Honolulu his whole life. He wakes up one morning and the air is still and cool, and he notices that the world has turned a soft shade of brown at some point when he wasn't paying attention. He leans on his window, staring out at the farm, and within moments he slams his window closed and turns to bury himself in his blankets again, not happy with this 'cold' thing at all.

*

With October comes his first progress report from school, and neither he nor Sarge are surprised to learn that Grif is failing all of his classes. Sarge has had multiple comments from his colleagues about how Grif isn't doing his homework, spends class either sleeping or bothering Simmons, and doesn't even seem to try on tests. Sarge doesn't bother lecturing him over his grades. He just throws out more insults before telling him to go do his homework, and _don't try telling me ya haven't got any cause I know better!_ Grif trudges up to his room, muttering to himself in annoyance.

He almost wishes Sarge _would_ have lectured him.

Or done something to indicate that he actually cared whether Grif did well in school.

*

Simmons lectures him.

Simmons spends two hours and twenty minutes lecturing him, and Grif tunes him out after the first thirty seconds. It's not like he doesn't already know what Simmons is saying, some bullshit about why an education is important, except it's not, not really, because on the off-chance Grif manages to graduate, so what? He doesn't have money to pay for college and he doubts Sarge will drop that much on him, doubts he would even if he _could_ afford it. So what does it matter?

“Because if you fail, then you'll get held back a grade and I won't have anyone to back me up when I'm arguing with the Blues,” Simmons finally says. Grif scoffs, because _of course you only care so someone is there to back your ass up_ but when he gets home, he stares at the copy of _Lord of the Flies_ he's meant to be reading for a long time before pulling it to him and opening it for the first time since Cappy handed them out.

He doesn't care, not really. He still doesn't think it matters.

But Simmons cares, and Simmons matters. It's reason enough for him, he guesses.

*

Halloween has always been one of Grif's favorite holidays. It's nothing to do with the costumes, though that's kinda fun, or the spooky shit, because Grif is- and he'll deny it to his dying day- actually kinda freaked out by that stuff, or anything like that- it's the candy (and Discount Candy Day, which is Grif's other favorite holiday- and one of few that comes several times a year).

Grif doesn't care that he's a thirteen year old boy planning to go trick-or-treating, because _free candy, Simmons, we knock on people's doors and they give us_ _ **free candy**_ _how could we possibly be too old for that_. He does promise to take Kai with him, though. At least that'll get most people off his back when they see him.

Simmons appears at his door on Halloween in a cyborg costume, hand-made and with far more attention to detail than was necessary. Grif folds his arms and gives Simmons his most judging look behind the stick on mustache and the black stitches drawn down his face and arms by Kai,.

“Neeeerd.” He thrusts a pillow case into Simmons' hands, and calls for Kai to hurry up, it's time to go, they'll miss the candy, then turns back to the other boy. He looks his costume over curiously, and as he does comes to a realization: the lines of Simmons' cyborg costume more-or-less follow the same lines as his drawn-on stitches.

“Holy shit I have an idea,” he says, and grabs Simmons' hand and drags him to the kitchen.

By the time Kai comes down, wrapped up in cheap toilet paper, Grif and Simmons have rubbed flour on Grif's left half. She cocks her head to stare at them in confusion.

“What are you guys doing?”

“Making some adjustments to my costume,” Grif says. Simmons says nothing; he is busily drawing freckles into Grif's floury side. “I'm a patchwork man now. I got run over by a tank and Simmons here donated his organs and stuff to me so I'd survive. Then they made a cyborg out of him.”

“Why didn't they just give YOU the cyborg parts?” Kai asks. The two boys stare at each other. Yes, that would have made sense, wouldn't it?

“Like anyone would waste cyborg parts on this idiot,” Simmons says, after a moment's thought. “I'm actually worth it.”

*

Lopez's parents are dead. That's why he lives with Sarge.

Grif finds this out because it turns out Discount Candy Day falls on the same day as Dia de los Muertos. Lopez spends the afternoon making pan de muerto with Sheila, who explains the tradition to Grif and Kai when they wander into the kitchen to ask questions and hopefully steal a bit of whatever Lopez is baking. She says they're taking it to his parents' graves that night, and Grif goes quiet for awhile and asks if it would be okay if he and Kai made some for Mom.

They can't take it to her grave, of course, since her grave is in Hawaii, but listening to Sheila and Lopez talk about dead loved ones has him thinking of Mom and missing her and he thinks if her spirit can find its way through from the world of the dead, maybe it can find its way to Iowa, too.

Lopez talks them through making the bread (through Sheila's patient translations- Grif gets the feeling she's filtering out a lot of sarcasm) and that night he takes them with him to the graveyard. They're not the only ones there; the town has a decent sized Mexican population, and Grif is surprised to find how  _ happy _ the people there are- they don't seem sad about their dead family at all.

At some point they get separated from Lopez and Sheila, and find themselves in the company of a girl not much older than them, name of Connie. She's there to see her grandmother and it's pretty apparent that she's glad to have someone her own age to talk to.

“Dia de los Muertos isn't about mourning our dead family, it's about celebrating them,” she explains, when Grif comments on how happy everyone seems. “I mean, your mom came a long way to be able to visit you for just one day, do you think she'd want you to be sad for that visit?”

At first, Grif is content to listen to Connie talk about her grandmother, who taught her how to grow tomatoes and how to throw a knife and how to listen to her heart, but then Kai mentions how much Mom loved tomatoes and Grif says  _ yeah, that's right, she always said that tomatoes were how we know God wants us to be happy  _ and it's like opening a floodgate, and he starts talking. They stay with Connie until Lopez comes to find them to go home, telling her all about Mom, and for the first time his chest doesn't get tight at the thought of her.

“Wait, Grif, where'd Connie go?”

Kai tugs at Grif's hand, and he turns. Connie has disappeared, vanished in just the time it took for Grif to respond to Lopez. He looks around, trying to figure out where she could have gone, when the name on the grave catches his eye.  _ Consuela Lucita Trujerres Ramos... wait.... _

Grif swallows, reaching for the grave so he can push aside the flowers and read the death year. He's moving unnecessarily slow, because this is some spooky bullshit, and he's nearly there, nearly... there..

“Sorry, dropped my knife. Are you guys going?”

“Jesus fuck!”

Connie tilts her head at him from behind the grave she'd popped out from behind, her knife in one hand and a confused expression on her face. Grif is clinging to Lopez, staring at Connie as though he'd seen a ghost.

*

Grif has never experienced a white winter before, and he never wants to experience it again. He wraps himself in several layers of clothes and ignores Simmons calling him a wimp because  _ it's _ _ fucking _ _ cold _ ,  _ okay, it's freezing, it's literally freezing and there is ice in the air so yeah, I'm a wimp but at least I'm a warm wimp _ . Simmons just laughs and pours him more cocoa.

*

Christmas, and several other holidays, all come at once. Grif loses track of his friends for a little while, as everyone is pulled away to deal with family for the holidays. Cappy takes Tucker upstate to visit his dad. The Simmons family heads off to visit the Simmons grandparents. Church's dad takes his kids skiing, and it's once more back to just Grif, stuck hanging around the shitty farm all day with no one to talk to.

This time he hangs around inside, though. It is way too cold to be outside.

*

Two days after Discount Candy Day (Christmas Edition), Grif is out checking the mail ( _ whyyyyy why do I have to check the mail it's COLD I can't feel my HANDS I just want to sit in front of the fire drinking cocoa and stuffing my face with marshmallows but I have to get the MAIL dammit Sarge it's fucking cold out here) _ when something wed and solid collides with the side of his head. He drops the mail and turns around to find Simmons in the driveway, laughing loudly at the bewildered look on Grif's face.

Grif stares at him for a moment in stunned silence before grabbing a handful of snow and forming it into a clumsy snowball that nonetheless connects well enough to knock Simmons' glasses off.

Now it's Grif's turn to laugh, before Simmons hurls another snowball at him, and it's nearly an hour later when they tramp into the house for cocoa. At some point Lopez wanders out and fishes the mail out of the snow, and glares pointedly at him over the stack of letters. Grif doesn't care. Simmons is back, and things are better when Simmons is here than when he's not.

*

Church has his Bar Mitzvah in February. They all get invited.

Grif gets bored very quickly, and Simmons has to keep pinching him to keep him awake, but it's actually not that bad. Church seems weirdly grown-up here, almost mature, and for a moment Grif can see the man that he will become reflected behind the glasses that he hates wearing because they make him look too much like his dad. He can see the greatness that Church could be capable of if he'd actually put in the effort, can actually see a man standing before him.

Then he scowls, and the spell is broken, and he's back to being a short-tempered thirteen-year-old boy.

It's kind of a relief. It was a really weird moment.

*

Spring comes (eventually) and with it comes a relief from the perpetual cold. Grif finds himself outside on that first warm day, just standing in the middle of the field with his head tilted back and arms spread wide, taking in the sun that he never thought he'd see again.

(“You see the sun every day, dumbass.”  
“Yeah, but not like this, where I can actually feel it.”)

He's aware of Simmons somewhere in his periphery, watching him, probably judging, but he doesn't care because he felt like he wasn't going to be warm ever again.

*

With Simmons' help, Grif is able to pull his grades up and actually manages to pass the year. Sarge looks at his report card when it comes in the mail a few weeks into the summer, and doesn't say much beyond a grunt of approval.

*

They spend a lot of time loafing around town once summer picks up. Lopez drops Grif and Simmons off when he goes to visit Sheila two or three times a week, and sometimes they wander aimlessly through the streets and sometimes they go to the community pool, and sometimes they grab a seat in the back corner of the diner and sit around talking while they eat ice cream in the direct path of the air conditioner.

(“Three months ago you were complaining that it was too cold.”

“And now I'm complaining it's too hot.”

“And why do you sweat so much? You're so gross.”)

Sometimes they head over to hang out at Tucker's. There's not a huge amount of room there, but Cappy makes them snacks and doesn't bother them, so it's not so bad. They don't go to Church's much. He has the best toys, and lots of room, and plenty to do, but every time the idea is mentioned he mumbles something about his dad and changes the subject.

*

One morning toward the end of June, Sarge lowers his paper when Grif comes into the kitchen for breakfast and casually mentions that Thursday will be a year since Grif and Kai came to live with him and would they like to do anything special?

It's way too early to think of anything like that, or anything at all. Grif grunts noncommittally and pours himself a bowl of cereal. Sarge goes back to his paper, and Grif eats in silence, thinking.

Has it really been a year? Sometimes it feels like it's been a century; others, it feels like they just arrived yesterday.

It's been a good year, though. Grif has to admit that, even grudgingly. Better than the year before it, certainly, when they'd been living in a shitty foster home and Grif was forced to worry that he and Kai would be split up, when he was dealing with the loss of Mom and helping Kai deal, mostly by telling her that Mom had run away to join the circus, and his friends at school were mostly just bums who were only his friends because they were stuck together every day. He hasn't even thought about any of them since he left.

When Kai comes down for breakfast, he fixes her a bowl of cereal and considers the question again.

“So.. maybe a party?” he suggests. “Or a barbecue, something like that. Just have a bunch of people over and, you know, hang out? I don't know.”

*

The gathering at the barbecue is much the same as the one at Grif's birthday party, with the addition of a couple of Kai's friends from school in the mix. Grif ignores them as best he can, and finds himself sat at a table near the grill (the shortest distance to have to walk for more food, worth the cost of having to sit near Sarge, who is in his element), with his friends surrounding him.

“I can't believe it's been a year,” Simmons says. “Has it really been a year? Feels like yesterday.”

“I dunno, dude, feels like a century to me,” Tucker says. “But it's nearly the year one mark for me and Cappy, too. So that's probably why.”

“So do you ever wonder why you're here?” Simmons asks. “I mean, why would a middle-aged chemistry teacher in Iowa go all the way to Hawaii just to adopt two kids?”

“I don't know. He's never said.” Grif looks over at Sarge, humming to himself while he flips burgers. He knows he should regret coming here, because the man is just awful, but somehow Grif can't imagine leaving him, and it's no longer just because he takes care of Kai.

“To another year,” Church says, holding up his cup. “And another barbecue when Tucker gets his one-year, this is actually pretty fun.”

“Only if Sarge mans the grill at that one, too, I'm not eating veggie-burgers again. I can still taste the betrayal.” Grif raises his cup as well, touching them together before downing half his drink. “For once, Sarge and I agree about something.”

The abuse Sarge had hurled at Cappy at their last barbecue- when Cappy had cooked- had been hilarious, even more so because eventually Cappy had gotten tired of hearing it. He'd thrown one of the burgers and, without looking, fired Sarge's shotgun up after it- one handed, no less. The burger had come down with two holes in it, and Sarge had fallen silent for the rest of the afternoon.

Now, Grif stands and moves over to the grill for his fourth burger. While he argues with Sarge about which ones are done and which ones aren't, he glances over to the table where his friends are sat. A year ago, he'd pulled up to this shitty farm in the back of Sarge's jeep and thought of nothing but how much he wanted to go back to Hawaii.

Now all he can think is that if he goes back to Hawaii, he'll never see any of them again.

It should be the sort of prospect he'd jump at, but all it does is make his gut curl uncomfortably.

He wonders if this is what it is to have a family.

*

o/o

**Author's Note:**

> Those of you missing Donut and Caboose and the Freelancers will be glad to know that they all appear in Part II. Part II will also clear up a LOT of threads intentionally left hanging in this because, as I said before, this was SUPPOSED to be a prequel.


End file.
